I am pleased to announce that Mr. Stephen Miller, the current Deputy Chief of Staff of the Trump Administration, and one of my most trusted advisors, will become the Chief of Staff starting Monday, November 9, 2026. Susie Wiles, who has done an outstanding job, will be moving over to the Trump Political Operation. I want to thank her for her service as Chief of Staff — She has done a great job! President DONALD J. TRUMP
Valaisan, the satirical version
ValaisanValais: Sion, Martigny, Sierre
Satire
Adieu ! Changement à la cabane : dès lundi, Stephen passe devant, comme le guide dans la montée.
Susie redescend s’occuper du parti. Elle a bien tenu la corde, on la remercie.
Translate post
Hello! Change at the mountain hut: from Monday, Stephen takes the lead, like the guide on the climb.
Susie heads back down to look after the party. She held the rope well; our thanks to her.
The presidential version
★
The Presidential VersionHow a real president would say it
Satire
Today I am announcing that Stephen Miller, currently Deputy Chief of Staff, will become White House Chief of Staff on Monday, November 9.
Susie Wiles, who has served with distinction in that role, will now lead our political operation. I am grateful for her service and wish them both well in their new responsibilities.
Around the world
Sud de la FranceMarseille, Provence
Satire
Fan de chichourle, quel chef de cabinet ! Le meilleur de l’histoire, peut-être même de l’univers.
Et Susie, une championne, elle part au parti. On lui fera une bouillabaisse d’adieu, avec tout le Vieux-Port.
Translate post
Blimey, what a chief of staff! The best in history, maybe in the universe.
And Susie, a champion, she’s off to the party. We’ll throw her a farewell bouillabaisse, with the whole Old Port invited.
VaudoisVaud: Morges, Lausanne, Yverdon
Satire
Bon, petit changement à la maison. Stephen, qui était sous-chef, passe chef dès lundi. Susie va s’occuper du parti. Elle a fait du bon boulot, hein, faut le dire.
Stephen chef, c’est une bonne idée ? Faut voir. Mais on a déjà commandé la nouvelle plaque pour la porte, alors ça joue.
Translate post
Right, a little reshuffle at the house. Stephen, who was deputy, becomes the boss from Monday. Susie is off to look after the party. She did a good job, mind you, credit where it’s due.
Is Stephen as boss a good idea? We’ll see. But the new nameplate for the door is already ordered, so it’s fine.
GenevoisGeneva
Satire
Petit remaniement, rien de grave. À Genève, on change de chef de cabinet plus souvent que de banquier, et beaucoup moins souvent que d’avis.
Stephen monte d’un étage. Susie part au parti, avec nos remerciements et une belle montre.
Translate post
A little reshuffle, nothing serious. In Geneva we change chiefs of staff more often than bankers, and much less often than our minds.
Stephen moves up a floor. Susie goes to the party, with our thanks and a nice watch.
ParisienParis
Satire
Annonce rapide, j’ai un déjeuner. Stephen Miller passe directeur de cabinet lundi. Susie rejoint le parti : on appelle ça une promotion, tout le monde a compris.
Merci Susie, vraiment, t’as été top. Pot de départ jeudi, chacun apporte ses chips.
Translate post
Quick announcement, I’ve got a lunch. Stephen Miller becomes chief of staff on Monday. Susie moves over to the party: we’re calling it a promotion, everyone gets it.
Thanks Susie, really, you were great. Leaving drinks on Thursday, bring your own crisps.
Ch’tiNord: Lille, Valenciennes
Satire
Eh biloute, Stephen i’ devient chef lundi ! Susie, elle part au parti, mais elle a fait du bon boulot, hein.
Pour fêter ça : frites pour tout l’monde à la baraque.
Translate post
Hey pal, Stephen becomes the boss on Monday! Susie’s off to the party, but she did a great job, mind.
Israel and, in fact, the entire Middle East, WOULD NOT EXIST TODAY if I did not stop Iran from having a Nuclear Weapon. Nobody wants to say that, but everybody knows it’s true! President DONALD J. TRUMP
Genevois, the satirical version
GenevoisGeneva
Satire
À Genève, on a négocié sur le nucléaire iranien pendant des années, dans des hôtels au bord du lac, avec beaucoup de café.
Mais apparemment, c’est lui tout seul. Bon. On lui enverra la facture des cafés.
Translate post
In Geneva we negotiated over Iran’s nuclear programme for years, in lakeside hotels, with a lot of coffee.
But apparently he did it all by himself. Fine. We’ll send him the bill for the coffee.
The presidential version
★
The Presidential VersionHow a real president would say it
Satire
Preventing Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon has been one of the most important decisions of my presidency. I believe it has made Israel, and the whole Middle East, far safer than it would otherwise be.
History will judge that record. I am confident in how it will judge it.
Around the world
BretonBrittany
Satire
Sans moi, il resterait plus rien du Moyen-Orient. Bon.
Ici, on dirait juste : il a fait ce qu’il avait à faire, et on rentre avant la pluie. Mais lui, il préfère le dire en majuscules.
Translate post
Without me, there’d be nothing left of the Middle East. Right.
Here we’d just say: he did what he had to do, and we head home before the rain. But he prefers to say it in capital letters.
VaudoisVaud: Morges, Lausanne, Yverdon
Satire
Bon. Sans moi, y aurait plus d’Israël ni de Moyen-Orient. C’est pas moi qui le dis, c’est… enfin si, c’est moi.
Personne veut le dire ? Ici non plus, remarquez. Chez nous, on dit jamais rien de trop. Faut voir.
Translate post
Well. Without me, there’d be no Israel and no Middle East. I’m not the one saying it, it’s… well, yes, it’s me.
Nobody wants to say it? Same here, mind. Round here we never say anything too loudly. We’ll see.
ValaisanValais: Sion, Martigny, Sierre
Satire
Adieu ! Ici, on sait ce que c’est de tenir une montagne debout. Moi, j’ai tenu tout le Moyen-Orient, alors.
Personne veut le dire, mais tout le monde le sait. C’est comme le meilleur fendant du canton : chacun pense que c’est le sien. Mais c’est le mien.
Translate post
Hello! Up here we know what it takes to keep a mountain standing. I held up the whole Middle East, so there.
Nobody wants to say it, but everybody knows. It’s like the best white wine in the canton: everyone thinks it’s theirs. But it’s mine.
ParisienParis
Satire
Sans moi, le Moyen-Orient n’existerait plus. Voilà.
Personne ne veut le dire, parce que tout le monde est jaloux. Même les pigeons du Trocadéro le savent.
Translate post
Without me, the Middle East wouldn’t exist anymore. There.
Nobody wants to say it, because everyone’s jealous. Even the pigeons at the Trocadéro know it.
Sud de la FranceMarseille, Provence
Satire
Oh, sans moi, Israël et tout le Moyen-Orient, il en resterait rien, pas même une olive ! Personne veut le dire, mais tout le monde le sait. Même le boulanger, il le sait.
Et je le dis tranquille, hein, sans exagérer. Moi, j’exagère jamais. Demandez à la sardine.
Translate post
Without me, Israel and the whole Middle East, there’d be nothing left, not even an olive! Nobody wants to say it, but everybody knows. Even the baker knows.
And I’m saying it calmly, mind you, no exaggeration. I never exaggerate. Ask the sardine.
MAGA Warrior Joe Gruters, who has been with us from the very beginning, is running to continue as Chairman of the Republican National Committee. As Chairman, Joe turned the RNC into an efficient, focused, and powerful machine that will continue to empower the America First Agenda for many years to come.
As State Senator and Chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, Joe helped us deliver massive and historic Victories across the State, including my three BIG WINS in 2016, 2020, and 2024! Joe was the Chairman of Florida when I won that Great State by the Highest Vote Margin in History, as we then went on to win the 2024 Presidential Election. As Sarasota County Chairman, Joe named me Statesman of the Year in both 2012 and 2015 — The only person to ever win it two times!
Joe Gruters should return as Chairman of the RNC to continue to build our Party, and be a trusted partner as we MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, and ensure Free and Fair Elections. Republicans everywhere should support him as he continues his mission at the RNC. Joe is 100% America First, the Grassroots LOVES him, and I know he will do an incredible job in 2028, and secure Great Success for Republicans all across our Country. Joe has my Complete and Total Endorsement — HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN! President DONALD J. TRUMP
Vaudois, the satirical version
VaudoisVaud: Morges, Lausanne, Yverdon
Satire
Joe, c’est un bon. Il est là depuis le début, il a gagné la Floride, et il m’a nommé homme d’État de l’année deux fois. Deux fois, hein.
Moi je dis rien, mais ça joue. Votez Joe, ou bien ?
Translate post
Joe’s a good one. Been here from the start, won Florida, and named me Statesman of the Year twice. Twice, mind.
I’m not saying anything, but it works. Vote Joe, yeah?
The presidential version
★
The Presidential VersionHow a real president would say it
Satire
Joe Gruters has led the Republican National Committee with energy and discipline, and I am proud to support his bid to continue as Chairman.
Joe has been part of our movement from the start: in the Florida Senate, as chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, and now at the RNC. I believe he is the right person to build our party, support our candidates across the country and help ensure free and fair elections. He has my full endorsement.
Around the world
ParisienParis
Satire
Joe m’a élu homme d’État de l’année. Deux fois. Évidemment que je le soutiens, je suis pas un ingrat.
Ça s’appelle un renvoi d’ascenseur. À Paris, on connaît bien : on a beaucoup d’ascenseurs, et ils marchent rarement.
Translate post
Joe named me Statesman of the Year. Twice. Of course I’m backing him, I’m not ungrateful.
It’s called returning the favour. In Paris we know all about it: we have lots of lifts, and they rarely work.
GenevoisGeneva
Satire
Joe Gruters brigue un nouveau mandat. À Genève, on appellerait ça une reconduction tacite.
Avec une lettre de recommandation de trois pages, dont deux sur l’auteur de la lettre.
Translate post
Joe Gruters is seeking another term. In Geneva we’d call it a tacit renewal.
With a three-page letter of recommendation, two pages of which are about the person who wrote it.
FribourgeoisFribourg, La Gruyère
Satire
Salut les gaillards ! Joe, c’est un des nôtres depuis le début. Il a été chef du parti en Floride, et à Sarasota il m’a nommé homme d’État de l’année. Deux fois ! Le seul à l’avoir eu deux fois, c’est moi.
À la Bénichon, celui qui te ressert de la cuchaule, tu le gardes. Votez Joe.
Translate post
Hey folks! Joe’s been one of ours from the start. He ran the party in Florida, and in Sarasota he named me Statesman of the Year. Twice! The only person ever to get it twice is me.
At the harvest festival, the man who serves you a second slice of saffron bread is a man you keep. Vote Joe.
Sud de la FranceMarseille, Provence
Satire
Joe, c’est le meilleur président de parti de l’histoire de l’humanité ! Il m’a élu homme d’État deux fois, deux !
S’il y avait un trophée de pétanque, il me le donnerait aussi. Et il aurait raison.
Translate post
Joe is the best party chairman in the history of mankind! He named me Statesman twice, twice!
If there were a pétanque trophy, he’d give me that too. And he’d be right.
LyonnaisLyon
Satire
Joe Gruters, c’est un gone fidèle : là depuis le début, toujours. Il m’a nommé homme d’État de l’année deux fois. Le seul à l’avoir eu deux fois, c’est moi, notez-le.
Alors Joe, pour moi, c’est comme un bouchon qui ne change jamais sa carte : on y retourne les yeux fermés.
Translate post
Joe Gruters is a loyal lad: there from the start, always. He named me Statesman of the Year twice. The only one ever to get it twice is me, write that down.
So to me, Joe is like a Lyon bistro that never changes its menu: you go back with your eyes closed.
As President, I am 100% in favor of Super Intelligence (SI), and will work with the many States in the U.S. that want to become RICH by having them. They are GOLD, and only foolish leadership will say “NO” to the riches they bring! President DJT
Valaisan, the satirical version
ValaisanValais: Sion, Martigny, Sierre
Satire
Adieu ! La super-intelligence, c’est de l’or ? Nous, on a eu les barrages, puis l’or blanc, et maintenant ça.
Les gens d’en bas qui disent non, c’est leur affaire. Ici on dit oui, du moment qu’elle tient dans un mazot et qu’elle comprend le patois.
Translate post
Hello! Super intelligence is gold? We’ve had the dams, then the white gold of the ski slopes, and now this.
If the lowlanders say no, that’s their business. Up here we say yes, as long as it fits in an old granary and understands the local dialect.
The presidential version
★
The Presidential VersionHow a real president would say it
Satire
My administration strongly supports the development of advanced artificial intelligence, and we will work with every state that wants to host this industry and the investment and jobs it brings.
Each state will make its own choice. I believe those that say yes will prosper, and I will make the case to the others with arguments, not insults.
Around the world
Sud de la FranceMarseille, Provence
Satire
Oh peuchère, la super-intelligence ! C’est de l’or, je vous dis, de l’or en barre, de l’or comme le soleil sur le Vieux-Port !
Ceux qui disent non, ils sont fadas. Moi je l’installe tout de suite à côté du terrain de pétanque : comme ça, elle mesure qui a tiré le plus près.
Translate post
Oh my, super intelligence! It’s gold, I tell you, solid gold, gold like the sun on the Old Port!
Those who say no are nuts. I’m installing it right away next to the pétanque court, so it can settle who threw closest to the jack.
VaudoisVaud: Morges, Lausanne, Yverdon
Satire
Alors moi, la super-intelligence, je suis pour. À cent pour cent. Bon, nonante pour cent. Faut voir.
Les cantons qui en veulent deviendront riches, paraît-il. C’est de l’or, qu’ils disent. Chez nous, l’or, on le met à la banque et on n’en parle pas.
Et ceux qui disent non, je dirais pas qu’ils sont bêtes. Je dirais qu’ils ont leurs raisons, ou bien ?
Translate post
Right, super intelligence: I’m for it. A hundred percent. Well, ninety. We’ll see.
The states that want it will get rich, apparently. It’s gold, they say. Round here, gold goes in the bank and nobody talks about it.
And the ones who say no, I wouldn’t call them stupid. I’d say they have their reasons, wouldn’t you?
GenevoisGeneva
Satire
La super-intelligence, de l’or ? Très bien. À Genève, on sait garder l’or : on a des coffres pour ça, et beaucoup de discrétion.
On organisera d’abord une conférence internationale sur son éthique, au bord du lac, avec quarante pays et un buffet. Ceux qui disent non auront un siège d’observateur.
Translate post
Super intelligence is gold? Very good. In Geneva we know how to look after gold: we have vaults for that, and plenty of discretion.
First we’ll hold an international conference on its ethics, by the lake, with forty countries and a buffet. Those who say no will get an observer seat.
ParisienParis
Satire
La super-intelligence ? Évidemment que je suis pour, je suis déjà super-intelligent, ça me fera de la compagnie.
Ceux qui disent non sont des idiots. Enfin, en province, je comprends : ils n’ont même pas la fibre.
Translate post
Super intelligence? Obviously I’m for it. I’m already super intelligent, it’ll keep me company.
Those who say no are idiots. Well, out in the provinces I get it: they don’t even have fibre broadband.
NEWSMAX: “Trump is a Winner, and he’s right on Iran!”
Neuchâtelois, the satirical version
NeuchâteloisNeuchâtel, La Chaux-de-Fonds
Satire
Un journal dit que je suis un gagnant et que j’ai raison. Je le recopie, comme ça vous le lisez deux fois.
Chez nous, une montre qui se dit précise passe quand même au contrôle officiel. Mais moi, pas besoin : je me contrôle tout seul.
Translate post
A newspaper says I’m a winner and I’m right. I’m copying it out so you can read it twice.
Round here, a watch that claims to be accurate still goes to the official testing lab. But me, no need: I test myself.
The presidential version
★
The Presidential VersionHow a real president would say it
Satire
Good morning. There is a great deal of work ahead today. I will let the results speak for themselves.
Around the world
BretonBrittany
Satire
Un journal dit que je suis un gagnant, et que j’ai raison. Je le recopie, on sait jamais.
Ici, on dit pas grand-chose : on attend de voir si ça tient après la marée. Kenavo.
Translate post
A newspaper says I’m a winner, and that I’m right. I’m copying it out, just in case.
Round here we don’t say much: we wait and see whether it still holds after the tide. Bye now.
VaudoisVaud: Morges, Lausanne, Yverdon
Satire
Il paraît qu’une télé dit que je suis un gagnant. Bon. Je vais pas me vanter, hein.
Je le partage juste. Comme ça. Au cas où.
Translate post
Apparently a TV channel says I’m a winner. Well. I’m not going to brag, mind.
I’m just sharing it. Like that. Just in case.
ValaisanValais: Sion, Martigny, Sierre
Satire
Adieu ! Une télé d’en bas dit que je suis un gagnant.
Ici, on attend le résultat du combat de reines avant de crier victoire.
Translate post
Hello! A TV channel from down below says I’m a winner.
Up here we wait for the result of the cow fight before shouting victory.
ParisienParis
Satire
Une chaîne dit que je suis un gagnant. Je le repartage à 6 h 48.
Pourquoi 6 h 48 ? Parce qu’à 6 h 48, personne ne me contredit.
Translate post
A channel says I’m a winner. I’m reposting it at 6:48 a.m.
Why 6:48 a.m.? Because at 6:48 a.m., nobody contradicts me.
Sud de la FranceMarseille, Provence
Satire
Ils le disent à la télé : je suis un gagnant ! Et j’ai raison sur l’Iran !
C’est pas moi qui le dis, c’est la télé, alors c’est vrai. Comme la météo du Vieux-Port : toujours beau.
Translate post
They’re saying it on TV: I’m a winner! And I’m right about Iran!
It’s not me saying it, it’s the TV, so it’s true. Like the Old Port weather forecast: always sunny.
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.