Suisse romande
Switzerland
The same statement, retold the way people actually talk in French-speaking Switzerland: understatement, local pride and a glass of something within reach.
The very stable genius
Original: “….Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star….. ….to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius….and a very stable genius at that!”
Switzerland: the editions
Vaudois Vaud: Morges, Lausanne, Yverdon
Vaudois, in the original
Bon. Y en a qui disent que j’ai plus toute ma tête. Moi je dis rien, hein. J’aurais meilleur temps de me taire. Mais quand même.
J’ai eu une entreprise qui tournait pas si mal, j’ai fait un peu de télé, et pis je suis devenu président du premier coup. Alors génie, génie… Faut voir. Je dirais pas génie. Je dirais que ça joue.
Et stable avec ça : trois verres de chasselas à Lavaux et je tiens encore debout sur la terrasse. Allez, y a pas le feu au lac. On en reparle à tantôt, ou bien ?
The English adaptation
Well. Some people are saying I’ve lost my marbles. I’m not saying anything, mind you. I’d be better off keeping quiet. But still.
I had a business that did all right, I did a bit of TV, and then I became president on the first go. So, genius… we’ll see. I wouldn’t say genius. I’d say it’s fine. It works.
And stable, too: three glasses of the local white on a vineyard terrace and I’m still standing. Come on, no rush, the lake isn’t on fire. We’ll talk about it later, yeah?
Lost in translation: the notes
- “Faut voir” (we’ll see) is the Vaudois national answer to any question: never yes, never no.
- “Ça joue” means “it works, it’s fine”. In Vaud, it is also the highest possible praise.
- “Y a pas le feu au lac”, literally “the lake isn’t on fire”: there is no hurry. Lake Geneva has never been on fire.
- “À tantôt” means “see you later today”. “Ou bien ?” turns any sentence into a question, or a request for agreement.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker
Valaisan Valais: Sion, Martigny, Sierre
Valaisan, in the original
Adieu tout le monde ! Ça va le chalet ? Paraît qu’à Berne et chez les gens d’en bas, on se demande si j’ai toute ma tête.
Écoutez voir : j’ai monté une entreprise, j’ai fait la télé, et je suis arrivé tout en haut du premier coup, comme on monte à l’alpage, sans m’arrêter à chaque lacet.
Un génie ? Ici, on appelle ça avoir la tête dure. Et stable, ça oui : stable comme un mazot sur ses pierres plates. Allez, on boit un verre de fendant et on n’en parle plus.
The English adaptation
Hello everyone! How’s the chalet? Word is that down in Bern, and among the lowlanders, people wonder whether I’ve still got all my wits.
Listen here: I built a business, I did TV, and I got all the way to the top on the first try, the way you climb to the summer pasture, without stopping at every hairpin.
A genius? Up here we call that being stubborn as a mule. And stable, oh yes: stable as an old granary on its stone stilts. Come on, have a glass of white and let’s say no more about it.
Lost in translation: the notes
- In Valais, “Adieu” is how you say hello, not goodbye. Visitors find this alarming.
- “Les gens d’en bas”, the people down below: everyone who does not live in the mountains, including most of Switzerland.
- A mazot is a small wooden granary standing on flat stone discs that keep the mice out. It has not moved in three hundred years.
- Fendant is the Valais name for its Chasselas white wine, and the usual way to end a discussion.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker
Genevois Geneva
Genevois, in the original
Bon, écoutez. Il paraît que certains s’interrogent sur ma santé mentale. À Genève, on accueille chaque semaine des chefs d’État persuadés d’être des génies, donc je comprends la confusion.
Mais moi, j’ai le dossier : une entreprise, la télévision, la présidence du premier coup. Un parcours qu’on présenterait volontiers en conférence au Palais des Nations, entre deux cafés à six francs cinquante.
Génie stable ? Disons stable comme le Jet d’eau : cent quarante mètres de haut, et on le coupe dès qu’il y a un peu de bise.
The English adaptation
Right, listen. Apparently some people have doubts about my mental health. In Geneva we host a head of state every week who is convinced he’s a genius, so I can see how people get confused.
But I’ve got the paperwork: a business, television, the presidency on the first try. The kind of career you’d present at a conference at the UN, between two coffees at seven dollars each.
A stable genius? Let’s say stable like Geneva’s famous fountain: 140 metres high, and switched off the moment there’s a bit of wind.
Lost in translation: the notes
- The Palais des Nations is the UN’s European headquarters. Geneva treats summits the way other cities treat traffic.
- The Jet d’eau, Geneva’s landmark fountain, is shut down when the bise, the cold north-east wind, blows too hard.
- Coffee prices are a Geneva conversation in themselves. We converted, roughly, to keep the sting.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker
Covfefe
Original: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe”
Switzerland: the editions
Fribourgeois Fribourg, La Gruyère
Fribourgeois, in the original
Salut les gaillards ! Malgré tout ce que les journaux racontent sur moi à longueur de journée… covfefe.
Bon. Ceux d’en dehors du canton ont cru à une faute de frappe. Mais chez nous, en Gruyère, après une Bénichon, trois verres de vin et la moutarde de Bénichon, tout le monde parle comme ça, et personne ne demande de traduction.
D’ailleurs, de l’autre côté de la Sarine, ils ont compris tout de suite. Ils ont dit « Genau ». Allez, on finit la moitié-moitié avant qu’elle refroidisse.
The English adaptation
Hey folks! Despite everything the papers say about me all day long… covfefe.
Now, people from outside the canton thought it was a typo. But here in Gruyère, after a harvest festival, three glasses of wine and the festival’s sweet mustard, everybody talks like that, and nobody asks for a translation.
Besides, across the river, in the German-speaking part, they got it right away. They said “Exactly.” Come on, let’s finish the fondue before it gets cold.
Lost in translation: the notes
- The Bénichon is Fribourg’s autumn harvest festival: a meal of many courses served with a sweet, spiced “moutarde de Bénichon”.
- The Sarine river roughly marks the language border: French on one bank, German on the other. “Genau” means “exactly”.
- Moitié-moitié (“half and half”) is the Fribourg fondue: half Gruyère, half Vacherin fribourgeois.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker
Nobody knew health care could be so complicated
Original: “Now, I have to tell you, it’s an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated.”
Switzerland: the editions
Neuchâtelois Neuchâtel, La Chaux-de-Fonds
Neuchâtelois, in the original
Personne ne savait que la santé, c’était si compliqué ? Dans le canton, on le sait depuis longtemps : ça fait des années qu’on se dispute pour savoir si l’hôpital doit être en haut ou en bas.
Nous, on fabrique des montres avec trois cents pièces qui tiennent dans un dé à coudre. Alors les choses compliquées, on connaît.
Mais un système de santé, c’est plus compliqué qu’une montre à complications. Et en plus, ça ne donne même pas l’heure.
The English adaptation
Nobody knew health care was so complicated? In this canton we’ve known for ages: we’ve spent years arguing about whether the hospital should be up in the mountains or down by the lake.
We make watches with three hundred parts that fit inside a thimble. So complicated things, we know about.
But a health system is more complicated than a watch with complications. And on top of that, it doesn’t even tell the time.
Lost in translation: the notes
- Neuchâtel is split between “le Haut”, the mountain towns of La Chaux-de-Fonds and Le Locle, and “le Bas”, the lakeside. Where hospitals should go has been a long-running political fight.
- In watchmaking, a “complication” is any function beyond telling the time: a calendar, a moon phase, a chime. The joke works in English too.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker