Switzerland · The Genevois edition
The very stable genius
Has seen every head of state on earth drive past in a motorcade. Is impressed by none of them.
Original statement · verbatim, not satire
….Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star…..
….to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius….and a very stable genius at that!
Wording to be checked against the source before launch
The Genevois version
Genevois, in the original
Bon, écoutez. Il paraît que certains s’interrogent sur ma santé mentale. À Genève, on accueille chaque semaine des chefs d’État persuadés d’être des génies, donc je comprends la confusion.
Mais moi, j’ai le dossier : une entreprise, la télévision, la présidence du premier coup. Un parcours qu’on présenterait volontiers en conférence au Palais des Nations, entre deux cafés à six francs cinquante.
Génie stable ? Disons stable comme le Jet d’eau : cent quarante mètres de haut, et on le coupe dès qu’il y a un peu de bise.
The English adaptation
Right, listen. Apparently some people have doubts about my mental health. In Geneva we host a head of state every week who is convinced he’s a genius, so I can see how people get confused.
But I’ve got the paperwork: a business, television, the presidency on the first try. The kind of career you’d present at a conference at the UN, between two coffees at seven dollars each.
A stable genius? Let’s say stable like Geneva’s famous fountain: 140 metres high, and switched off the moment there’s a bit of wind.
Lost in translation: the notes
- The Palais des Nations is the UN’s European headquarters. Geneva treats summits the way other cities treat traffic.
- The Jet d’eau, Geneva’s landmark fountain, is shut down when the bise, the cold north-east wind, blows too hard.
- Coffee prices are a Geneva conversation in themselves. We converted, roughly, to keep the sting.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker
For comparison
The presidential version · satire
I have seen the questions raised this week about my fitness for office, and I understand why Americans want to hear from their President directly. Questions like these deserve an answer, not an insult. I have been…
Other editions: VaudoisValaisanParisienSud de la France · All versions
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.