France · The Parisien edition
The very stable genius
Urban, direct, sarcastic, in a hurry. Will complain about the métro and the waiter in the same sentence.
Original statement · verbatim, not satire
….Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star…..
….to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius….and a very stable genius at that!
Wording to be checked against the source before launch
The Parisien version
Parisien, in the original
Bon, on va pas y passer la nuit. Y a des gens qui doutent de ma santé mentale. Franchement, j’ai vu pire sur la ligne 13 à huit heures et demie.
J’ai monté une boîte, j’ai fait de la télé, j’ai été élu du premier coup. Sans piston. Enfin, presque.
Génie ? Le mot est faible, mais je suis modeste. Stable ? Plus que le RER B, en tout cas. Allez, j’ai une terrasse qui m’attend et un serveur qui va me regarder de haut.
The English adaptation
Right, let’s not make a whole night of it. Some people doubt my mental health. Honestly, I’ve seen worse on the subway at rush hour.
I started a company, did some TV, got elected on the first try. No connections. Well, almost none.
Genius? That’s an understatement, but I’m a modest man. Stable? More stable than the Paris commuter train, anyway. Now, I have a café terrace waiting for me and a waiter who’s going to look down on me.
Lost in translation: the notes
- Métro line 13 at rush hour is the Parisian benchmark for human suffering.
- The RER B, which links Paris to its airports, is famous for its delays. Comparing anything to it is never a compliment.
- “Sans piston”: without string-pulling. The “enfin, presque” does the rest.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker
For comparison
The presidential version · satire
I have seen the questions raised this week about my fitness for office, and I understand why Americans want to hear from their President directly. Questions like these deserve an answer, not an insult. I have been…
Other editions: VaudoisValaisanGenevoisSud de la France · All versions
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.