France · The Sud de la France edition
The very stable genius
Never exaggerates, except all the time. The sardine really did block the port of Marseille.
Original statement · verbatim, not satire
….Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star…..
….to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius….and a very stable genius at that!
Wording to be checked against the source before launch
The Sud de la France version
Sud de la France, in the original
Oh fan de chichourle ! Y en a qui disent que je suis fada ? Moi ? Peuchère…
Écoutez-moi bien : j’ai monté une affaire qui marchait du tonnerre, j’ai fait la télé, et je suis devenu président du premier coup. Dégun avait jamais vu ça ! Alors oui, je le dis tranquille, à l’ombre du platane : je suis un génie.
Et stable, hein ! Même avec le mistral à cent à l’heure, je bouge pas d’un poil. Vous me croyez pas ? C’est comme la sardine qui a bouché le port de Marseille : c’est vrai, je vous jure. Enfin… presque.
The English adaptation
Well, blow me down! Some people say I’m crazy? Me? Oh, bless them…
Listen to me carefully: I ran a business that was doing fantastically, I did TV, and I became president on the first try. Nobody had ever seen anything like it! So yes, I’ll say it calmly, in the shade of the plane tree: I am a genius.
And stable, eh! Even with the mistral blowing at a hundred kilometres an hour, I don’t budge an inch. You don’t believe me? It’s like the sardine that blocked the port of Marseille: it’s true, I swear. Well… almost.
Lost in translation: the notes
- “Fan de chichourle!” is a Provençal exclamation of surprise. It has no translation and needs none.
- “Fada” means crazy; “peuchère” expresses pity, tenderness or irony, depending on the shrug.
- “Dégun” means nobody. The mistral is the violent wind of the Rhône valley and Provence.
- The sardine that blocked the port of Marseille is the region’s proverbial tall tale. A popular explanation says it was really a ship named the Sartine. Marseille kept the better version.
Draft: awaiting review by a local speaker
For comparison
The presidential version · satire
I have seen the questions raised this week about my fitness for office, and I understand why Americans want to hear from their President directly. Questions like these deserve an answer, not an insult. I have been…
Other editions: VaudoisValaisanGenevoisParisien · All versions
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.