Israel and, in fact, the entire Middle East, WOULD NOT EXIST TODAY if I did not stop Iran from having a Nuclear Weapon. Nobody wants to say that, but everybody knows it’s true! President DONALD J. TRUMP
Truth Social · 6 November 2026
Nobody wants to say that
Donald J. Trump
OriginalValaisan, the satirical version
Valaisan
SatireAdieu ! Ici, on sait ce que c’est de tenir une montagne debout. Moi, j’ai tenu tout le Moyen-Orient, alors.
Personne veut le dire, mais tout le monde le sait. C’est comme le meilleur fendant du canton : chacun pense que c’est le sien. Mais c’est le mien.
Translate post
Hello! Up here we know what it takes to keep a mountain standing. I held up the whole Middle East, so there.
Nobody wants to say it, but everybody knows. It’s like the best white wine in the canton: everyone thinks it’s theirs. But it’s mine.
The presidential version
The Presidential Version
SatirePreventing Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon has been one of the most important decisions of my presidency. I believe it has made Israel, and the whole Middle East, far safer than it would otherwise be.
History will judge that record. I am confident in how it will judge it.
Around the world
Sud de la France
SatireOh, sans moi, Israël et tout le Moyen-Orient, il en resterait rien, pas même une olive ! Personne veut le dire, mais tout le monde le sait. Même le boulanger, il le sait.
Et je le dis tranquille, hein, sans exagérer. Moi, j’exagère jamais. Demandez à la sardine.
Translate post
Without me, Israel and the whole Middle East, there’d be nothing left, not even an olive! Nobody wants to say it, but everybody knows. Even the baker knows.
And I’m saying it calmly, mind you, no exaggeration. I never exaggerate. Ask the sardine.
Vaudois
SatireBon. Sans moi, y aurait plus d’Israël ni de Moyen-Orient. C’est pas moi qui le dis, c’est… enfin si, c’est moi.
Personne veut le dire ? Ici non plus, remarquez. Chez nous, on dit jamais rien de trop. Faut voir.
Translate post
Well. Without me, there’d be no Israel and no Middle East. I’m not the one saying it, it’s… well, yes, it’s me.
Nobody wants to say it? Same here, mind. Round here we never say anything too loudly. We’ll see.
Genevois
SatireÀ Genève, on a négocié sur le nucléaire iranien pendant des années, dans des hôtels au bord du lac, avec beaucoup de café.
Mais apparemment, c’est lui tout seul. Bon. On lui enverra la facture des cafés.
Translate post
In Geneva we negotiated over Iran’s nuclear programme for years, in lakeside hotels, with a lot of coffee.
But apparently he did it all by himself. Fine. We’ll send him the bill for the coffee.
Parisien
SatireSans moi, le Moyen-Orient n’existerait plus. Voilà.
Personne ne veut le dire, parce que tout le monde est jaloux. Même les pigeons du Trocadéro le savent.
Translate post
Without me, the Middle East wouldn’t exist anymore. There.
Nobody wants to say it, because everyone’s jealous. Even the pigeons at the Trocadéro know it.
Breton
SatireSans moi, il resterait plus rien du Moyen-Orient. Bon.
Ici, on dirait juste : il a fait ce qu’il avait à faire, et on rentre avant la pluie. Mais lui, il préfère le dire en majuscules.
Translate post
Without me, there’d be nothing left of the Middle East. Right.
Here we’d just say: he did what he had to do, and we head home before the rain. But he prefers to say it in capital letters.
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.