United Kingdom

I’m on 60 Minutes tonight. Hopefully they show all the good bits of the last two years, and the first term, which was class, to be fair.

Mind, I know how telly works: you give them an hour and they keep the twelve minutes where you said something daft. So if the Senate could back me up, cheers, that’d be top.

Threatening letters, is it? Then take them to the police, love. That’s what they’re for. Sending them to the President is a long way to post something, and dear on stamps.

As for “sleazebags” and “jail”, we’d want to hear both sides first. Round here, you don’t call a man a crook till you’ve seen his accounts.

I’ve offered Dana White the press secretary job, lad. Proper fighter. Told him to bring his mates, a few of them not from round here, to sort out the Lunatic Left.

A press office full of fighters? Sounds like a Saturday night in town. Dana, go ’ed, take the job. And bring Khabib round ours for a brew.

Extortion at the highest level, lawfare at another level, weaponization at yet another. One does admire the floor plan.

In London we’d say that’s a lot of levels for one building, and suggest someone check the planning permission. As for ordering the Justice Department about by press release: brave.

I am, for the record, entirely in favour of super intelligence. One hundred per cent. Places that embrace it will become rather rich; it is, frankly, gold.

Those that say no are being foolish, though over here I’d put it more delicately: “brave choice”. Anyway, if it can explain the Tube map, it’s already cleverer than most of us.

Super intelligence, lad? I’m all for it, a hundred per cent. Any city that wants it is gonna be minted. It’s gold.

And the ones saying no? Soft, that is. Proper soft. Last thing that made this city rich was four fellas with guitars, so if this can write a song half as good, I’ll have two.

I’m a hundred per cent for super intelligence, me. Cities that want it will be rolling in it. It’s gold.

And the ones saying no? Daft. Proper daft. We built the first stored-program computer here in 1948, so if anyone knows clever, it’s us.

I’m for super intelligence. A hundred per cent. Any place that wants it will get rich: it’s gold.

Them that say no are daft, and I’ll tell them straight. Mind, before I sign owt, I’ll want to see the price. If it’s free, I’ll have two.

A hundred per cent for super intelligence, me. Any place that wants it will be rolling in gold.

And anyone who says no is a numpty, plain and simple. We already invented half the modern world in Scotland: the telephone, the television, penicillin. I’m just finishing the job. You’re welcome.

Super intelligence, is it? I’m all for it, a hundred per cent. Lovely. Any place that wants it will get rich: it’s gold, like the Welsh gold in the royal wedding rings.

Them that say no are being a bit twp, mind. I’ll get it all sorted now in a minute.

I wasn’t even on the ballot. And if I had been, we’d have won in a landslide. A proper one, not a wee one.

Mind you, we know a thing or two about results up here. We gave the world the television you watched them on, and the telephone you’d have phoned to complain. Anyone who says I wouldn’t have won? Aye, right. Thanks for your attention to this matter.