I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP
Truth Social · 3 November 2026
We would have won in a landslide
Donald J. Trump
OriginalThe presidential version
The American President
SatireI was not a candidate in tonight’s elections, but our agenda was on the ballot in every state, and I remain confident that it has the support of a great many Americans.
I thank everyone who voted. Now the work continues, with the Congress the American people have chosen.
Around the world
Switzerland & France
Vaudois (Switzerland)
SatireJ’étais pas sur le bulletin. Et si j’y avais été, on aurait gagné, et pas qu’un peu : un raz-de-marée.
Bon, je dis ça, je dis rien. Chez nous on dit « y en a point comme nous », mais on le dit doucement, entre deux verres de chasselas, pas en majuscules. Alors disons qu’on aurait gagné… faut voir. Merci de votre attention, quand vous aurez un moment.
English version
I wasn’t on the ballot. And if I had been, we’d have won, and not by a little: a landslide.
Well, I’m just saying, I’m not saying anything. Round here we say “there’s nobody like us”, but we say it quietly, between two glasses of Chasselas, not in capital letters. So let’s say we would have won… we’ll see. Thank you for your attention, whenever you have a moment.
Valaisan (Switzerland)
SatireAdieu ! J’étais pas sur le bulletin. Si j’y avais été, on gagnait par avalanche. Pas par glissement de terrain : par avalanche.
Ceux d’en bas peuvent bien voter ce qu’ils veulent. Chez nous, on monte voter à pied, on redescend pour la raclette, et le résultat, on le connaît avant même d’ouvrir l’urne. Merci de votre attention, et fermez la porte, vous laissez entrer le froid.
English version
Adieu! I wasn’t on the ballot. If I had been, we’d have won by an avalanche. Not a landslide: an avalanche.
The people down in the lowlands can vote however they like. Up here we walk up to vote, walk back down for the raclette, and we know the result before the ballot box is even opened. Thank you for your attention, and shut the door, you’re letting the cold in.
Parisien (France)
SatireJ’étais même pas sur le bulletin. Et si j’y avais été, on gagnait par K.-O., direct, au premier tour.
Mais bon, voter, faut y aller : la ligne 13 est blindée, le bureau de vote est au fond d’une école, et l’assesseur te regarde comme si tu lui devais de l’argent. Moi, j’aurais gagné sans même me déplacer. Merci de votre attention, enfin, si vous avez cinq minutes, parce que moi je suis pressé.
English version
I wasn’t even on the ballot. And if I had been, we’d have won by knockout, straight away, in the first round.
But hey, voting means actually going: the line 13 metro is packed, the polling station is at the back of a school, and the official at the table looks at you like you owe him money. Me, I’d have won without even leaving the house. Thank you for your attention, that is, if you’ve got five minutes, because I’m in a hurry.
Sud de la France
SatireJ’étais pas sur le bulletin. Mais si j’y avais été, peuchère, on gagnait cent mille à zéro. Que dis-je : un million.
Les autres, ils faisaient Fanny, devant tout le monde, sur la place du village. Et je vous le dis sans exagérer, moi je n’exagère jamais : on en aurait parlé jusqu’à Marseille, et même jusqu’à Toulon. Merci pour votre attention, et ça, c’est pas une galéjade.
English version
I wasn’t on the ballot. But if I had been, good heavens, we’d have won a hundred thousand to nil. What am I saying: a million.
The others would have had to kiss Fanny, in front of everybody, on the village square. And I tell you without exaggerating, I never exaggerate: they’d have talked about it all the way to Marseille, and even to Toulon. Thank you for your attention, and that’s no tall tale.
United States
Texas (United States)
SatireI wasn’t even on the ballot. And if I had been, we would’ve won so big you’d need a bigger map. Texas-sized. Bigger than Texas, and I don’t say that lightly around here.
Folks, a landslide is for amateurs. We’d have won a stampede. Thank you kindly for your attention to this matter.
In plain English
He points out he wasn’t a candidate, and says that if he had been, his victory would have been enormous: “Texas-sized”, the state’s favourite unit of measurement.
A landslide isn’t big enough for him: he wants a stampede, a cattle-country word for everyone charging in the same direction.
Boston (United States)
SatireI wasn’t on the ballot. If I was, we’d have won in a landslide. A wicked big one. Bigger than the ’04 comeback.
And don’t give me the polls. This town was arguing about taxes before there was a country to vote in. Thanks for your attention, now get outta the way, I’m double-parked.
In plain English
He says he would have won enormously (“wicked” means “very” in Boston) and compares it to 2004, when the Red Sox came back from three games down to beat the Yankees.
He waves away the polls, recalls that Boston was arguing about taxes before the United States existed (the Boston Tea Party, 1773), and leaves in a hurry: he’s double-parked.
United Kingdom
Scotland (United Kingdom)
SatireI wasn’t even on the ballot. And if I had been, we’d have won in a landslide. A proper one, not a wee one.
Mind you, we know a thing or two about results up here. We gave the world the television you watched them on, and the telephone you’d have phoned to complain. Anyone who says I wouldn’t have won? Aye, right. Thanks for your attention to this matter.
In plain English
He wasn’t a candidate, but says he would have won a “proper” landslide, not a “wee” (small) one.
He reminds everyone that Scots gave the world the television (John Logie Baird) and the telephone (Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh), and answers any doubters with “aye, right”: the famous Scottish double positive that means “no chance”.
The Diplomat
The American President is just above. Here, the other statesmen.
The British Diplomat
SatireHis Majesty’s Government notes that the President was not a candidate in these elections, and that he has nonetheless taken a close interest in their outcome.
In our experience, hypothetical elections are the most reliably won. We wish the newly elected members of Congress every success.
What he really means
He wasn’t standing.
He would like you to know he would have won anyway. Nobody can prove otherwise, which is rather the beauty of it.
The French Diplomat
SatireFrance has followed these midterm elections with the greatest interest: they are a moment of democratic vitality for our oldest ally.
In France, too, the Constitution limits the President to two consecutive terms. We have learned that a leader’s legacy is measured less by the elections he imagines winning than by the institutions he leaves stronger behind him.
The Swiss President
SatireThe Federal Council takes note of these elections.
In Switzerland, the members of the Federal Council are never on a ballot: they are elected by Parliament. The people, meanwhile, vote on the issues themselves, several times a year. Landslides are rare; we find this restful.
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.