Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

United States · The Texas edition

We would have won in a landslide

Donald J. Trump

Original

I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Texas version

Texas (United States)

Satire

I wasn’t even on the ballot. And if I had been, we would’ve won so big you’d need a bigger map. Texas-sized. Bigger than Texas, and I don’t say that lightly around here.

Folks, a landslide is for amateurs. We’d have won a stampede. Thank you kindly for your attention to this matter.

In plain English

He points out he wasn’t a candidate, and says that if he had been, his victory would have been enormous: “Texas-sized”, the state’s favourite unit of measurement.

A landslide isn’t big enough for him: he wants a stampede, a cattle-country word for everyone charging in the same direction.

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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.