Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

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Switzerland · The Valaisan edition

We would have won in a landslide

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Valaisan version

Valaisan (Switzerland)Valais: Sion, Martigny, Sierre

Satire

Adieu ! J’étais pas sur le bulletin. Si j’y avais été, on gagnait par avalanche. Pas par glissement de terrain : par avalanche.

Ceux d’en bas peuvent bien voter ce qu’ils veulent. Chez nous, on monte voter à pied, on redescend pour la raclette, et le résultat, on le connaît avant même d’ouvrir l’urne. Merci de votre attention, et fermez la porte, vous laissez entrer le froid.

English version

Adieu! I wasn’t on the ballot. If I had been, we’d have won by an avalanche. Not a landslide: an avalanche.

The people down in the lowlands can vote however they like. Up here we walk up to vote, walk back down for the raclette, and we know the result before the ballot box is even opened. Thank you for your attention, and shut the door, you’re letting the cold in.

Lost in translation
  • In Valais, “Adieu” means hello. “Ceux d’en bas” (“the people down below”) is how the Valais mountains speak of the rest of Switzerland. Raclette, cheese melted by the fire and scraped onto potatoes, comes from Valais. In French, a “glissement de terrain” is only a literal landslide; a landslide victory is a “raz-de-marée”.

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