I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP
United States · The Boston edition
We would have won in a landslide
Donald J. Trump
OriginalThe Boston version
Boston (United States)
SatireI wasn’t on the ballot. If I was, we’d have won in a landslide. A wicked big one. Bigger than the ’04 comeback.
And don’t give me the polls. This town was arguing about taxes before there was a country to vote in. Thanks for your attention, now get outta the way, I’m double-parked.
In plain English
He says he would have won enormously (“wicked” means “very” in Boston) and compares it to 2004, when the Red Sox came back from three games down to beat the Yankees.
He waves away the polls, recalls that Boston was arguing about taxes before the United States existed (the Boston Tea Party, 1773), and leaves in a hurry: he’s double-parked.
All versionsVaudoisValaisanParisienSud de la FranceTexasScotlandThe British DiplomatThe French DiplomatThe Swiss President
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.