Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

France · The Parisien edition

We would have won in a landslide

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Parisien version

Parisien (France)Paris

Satire

J’étais même pas sur le bulletin. Et si j’y avais été, on gagnait par K.-O., direct, au premier tour.

Mais bon, voter, faut y aller : la ligne 13 est blindée, le bureau de vote est au fond d’une école, et l’assesseur te regarde comme si tu lui devais de l’argent. Moi, j’aurais gagné sans même me déplacer. Merci de votre attention, enfin, si vous avez cinq minutes, parce que moi je suis pressé.

English version

I wasn’t even on the ballot. And if I had been, we’d have won by knockout, straight away, in the first round.

But hey, voting means actually going: the line 13 metro is packed, the polling station is at the back of a school, and the official at the table looks at you like you owe him money. Me, I’d have won without even leaving the house. Thank you for your attention, that is, if you’ve got five minutes, because I’m in a hurry.

Lost in translation
  • Line 13 is the Paris metro line Parisians most love to complain about. In France, polling stations are often in schools, and an election can be won outright “au premier tour”, in the first round.

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