Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

France · The Sud de la France edition

We would have won in a landslide

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Sud de la France version

Sud de la FranceMarseille, Provence

Satire

J’étais pas sur le bulletin. Mais si j’y avais été, peuchère, on gagnait cent mille à zéro. Que dis-je : un million.

Les autres, ils faisaient Fanny, devant tout le monde, sur la place du village. Et je vous le dis sans exagérer, moi je n’exagère jamais : on en aurait parlé jusqu’à Marseille, et même jusqu’à Toulon. Merci pour votre attention, et ça, c’est pas une galéjade.

English version

I wasn’t on the ballot. But if I had been, good heavens, we’d have won a hundred thousand to nil. What am I saying: a million.

The others would have had to kiss Fanny, in front of everybody, on the village square. And I tell you without exaggerating, I never exaggerate: they’d have talked about it all the way to Marseille, and even to Toulon. Thank you for your attention, and that’s no tall tale.

Lost in translation
  • At pétanque, a player who loses 13–0 “fait Fanny”: by tradition they must kiss the bottom of Fanny, a picture or statue of a bare-bottomed woman kept in the café. “Peuchère” is a Provençal exclamation; a “galéjade” is a tall tale.

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