Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

United Kingdom · The Liverpool edition

A Press Secretary like none other

Donald J. Trump

Original

I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Liverpool version

Liverpool (United Kingdom)

Satire

I’ve offered Dana White the press secretary job, lad. Proper fighter. Told him to bring his mates, a few of them not from round here, to sort out the Lunatic Left.

A press office full of fighters? Sounds like a Saturday night in town. Dana, go ’ed, take the job. And bring Khabib round ours for a brew.

In plain English

He’s hired a real fighter as press secretary, with his mates as backup.

In Liverpool, a room full of fighters just sounds like a night out; he invites them all over for a cup of tea.

Version française

In British English, a “brew” is a cup of tea, which suits Khabib Nurmagomedov, who does not drink alcohol.

Lost in translation
  • “Go ’ed” means go ahead in Scouse, Liverpool’s English; a “brew” is a cup of tea, which suits Khabib Nurmagomedov, who does not drink alcohol.

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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.