Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

The Diplomat · The Swiss President

A Press Secretary like none other

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Swiss President

The Swiss PresidentA President of the Swiss Confederation

Satire

The Federal Council takes note of this appointment and wishes Mr White every success in his new duties.

In Switzerland, the Federal Council’s spokesperson is the Vice-Chancellor, and our press conferences rarely require more protection than a glass of water. We remain at the disposal of all parties, should they ever wish to continue the debate in a quieter setting.

Version française

Le Conseil fédéral prend acte de cette nomination et souhaite plein succès à M. White dans ses nouvelles fonctions.

En Suisse, le porte-parole du Conseil fédéral est le vice-chancelier, et nos conférences de presse exigent rarement une autre protection qu’un verre d’eau. Nous restons à la disposition de toutes les parties, si elles souhaitaient un jour poursuivre le débat dans un cadre plus calme.

Lost in translation
  • The spokesperson of the Swiss Federal Council is one of the two Vice-Chancellors of the Federal Chancellery.

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