Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

France · The Sud de la France edition

A Press Secretary like none other

Donald J. Trump

Original

I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Sud de la France version

Sud de la France

Satire

Oh, je vous annonce une nouvelle extraordinaire, la plus extraordinaire de l’histoire : Dana White, porte-parole ! Un guerrier ! Et avec lui, des champions du Brésil, du Daghestan, de partout ! Contre les fadas de gauche, il faut ça.

À Marseille, on appellerait ça le Vélodrome un soir de Marseille-Paris. Dana, viens, on t’attend, et on t’a gardé la meilleure place à l’ombre du platane !

English version

Oh, I’m announcing extraordinary news, the most extraordinary in history: Dana White, press secretary! A warrior! And with him, champions from Brazil, from Dagestan, from everywhere! Against the lunatics on the left, that’s what it takes.

In Marseille we’d call that the stadium on a Marseille–Paris match night. Dana, come, we’re waiting for you, and we’ve kept you the best seat in the shade of the plane tree!

Lost in translation
  • The Vélodrome is Marseille’s football stadium; matches against Paris Saint-Germain are the most heated of the French season.

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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.