Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

Switzerland · The Genevois edition

A Press Secretary like none other

Donald J. Trump

Original

I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Genevois version

Genevois (Switzerland)

Satire

Écoutez, j’ai proposé le poste de porte-parole à Dana White, avec une petite délégation internationale de champions de combat pour l’accompagner.

À Genève, on reçoit des délégations étrangères toute l’année, mais d’habitude elles viennent négocier la paix. La mienne viendra tenir la salle de presse. Ce sera un porte-parole comme on n’en a jamais vu au bord du lac. Dana, accepte, on t’offre le café à six francs cinquante.

English version

Listen, I’ve offered the press secretary job to Dana White, with a small international delegation of fighting champions to go with him.

In Geneva we host foreign delegations all year round, but usually they come to negotiate peace. Mine will come to hold the press room. A press secretary like none ever seen by the lake. Dana, accept, and the seven-dollar coffee is on us.

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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.