Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

Switzerland · The Valaisan edition

A Press Secretary like none other

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Valaisan version

Valaisan (Switzerland)Valais: Sion, Martigny, Sierre

Satire

Adieu ! J’ai proposé à Dana White d’être mon porte-parole. Un vrai lutteur ! Et je lui ai demandé de venir avec quelques champions, même des étrangers, pour nous défendre contre les gens d’en bas.

Chez nous, on a les combats de reines : des vaches d’Hérens qui se poussent front contre front, personne ne se blesse, et la gagnante monte la première à l’alpage. Dana, c’est ma reine. Dana, viens, la place est à toi !

English version

Hello! I’ve asked Dana White to be my press secretary. A real fighter! And I’ve asked him to bring a few champions, even foreign ones, to defend us against the lowlanders.

Up here we have cow fights: Hérens cows pushing head to head, nobody gets hurt, and the winner leads the herd up to the summer pasture. Dana is my queen. Dana, come on, the job is yours!

Lost in translation
  • The “combats de reines” of Valais are traditional, bloodless contests between Hérens cows; the winner is crowned queen of the herd.

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