I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP
Truth Social · 7 November 2026
A Press Secretary like none other
Donald J. Trump
OriginalThe presidential version
The American President
SatireI have offered the position of White House Press Secretary to Dana White, who built one of the most successful sports organizations in the world. I admire his energy and his directness.
The Press Secretary’s job is to inform the American people and to answer the press, including its hardest questions. I am confident Dana would bring candor to that podium, and I hope he will accept.
Around the world
Switzerland & France
Valaisan (Switzerland)
SatireAdieu ! J’ai proposé à Dana White d’être mon porte-parole. Un vrai lutteur ! Et je lui ai demandé de venir avec quelques champions, même des étrangers, pour nous défendre contre les gens d’en bas.
Chez nous, on a les combats de reines : des vaches d’Hérens qui se poussent front contre front, personne ne se blesse, et la gagnante monte la première à l’alpage. Dana, c’est ma reine. Dana, viens, la place est à toi !
English version
Hello! I’ve asked Dana White to be my press secretary. A real fighter! And I’ve asked him to bring a few champions, even foreign ones, to defend us against the lowlanders.
Up here we have cow fights: Hérens cows pushing head to head, nobody gets hurt, and the winner leads the herd up to the summer pasture. Dana is my queen. Dana, come on, the job is yours!
Genevois (Switzerland)
SatireÉcoutez, j’ai proposé le poste de porte-parole à Dana White, avec une petite délégation internationale de champions de combat pour l’accompagner.
À Genève, on reçoit des délégations étrangères toute l’année, mais d’habitude elles viennent négocier la paix. La mienne viendra tenir la salle de presse. Ce sera un porte-parole comme on n’en a jamais vu au bord du lac. Dana, accepte, on t’offre le café à six francs cinquante.
English version
Listen, I’ve offered the press secretary job to Dana White, with a small international delegation of fighting champions to go with him.
In Geneva we host foreign delegations all year round, but usually they come to negotiate peace. Mine will come to hold the press room. A press secretary like none ever seen by the lake. Dana, accept, and the seven-dollar coffee is on us.
Fribourgeois (Switzerland)
SatireSalut les gaillards ! J’ai proposé à Dana White d’être mon porte-parole. Un lutteur, un vrai, avec toute une équipe de champions, même des étrangers.
Chez nous, on connaît : la lutte suisse, dans la sciure. Et à la fin, le vainqueur aide le perdant à se relever et lui enlève la sciure du dos. Je ne sais pas si Dana fera ça avec les journalistes. Mais bon, Dana, prends le job, ça joue !
English version
Hey folks! I’ve asked Dana White to be my press secretary. A wrestler, a real one, with a whole team of champions, even foreign ones.
We know all about it here: Swiss wrestling, in sawdust. And at the end, the winner helps the loser up and brushes the sawdust off his back. Not sure Dana will do that with the journalists. Still, Dana, take the job, it’s all good!
Parisien (France)
SatireJ’ai proposé le poste de porte-parole à Dana White, un vrai combattant, avec des champions du monde entier comme assistants. Contre la gauche, il faut ce qu’il faut.
Chez vous, le porte-parole esquive les questions avec des phrases ; le mien les esquivera avec un crochet du gauche. C’est plus franc. Dana, prends le job, je t’en supplie. Enfin, je te le demande. Fermement.
English version
I’ve offered the press secretary job to Dana White, a real fighter, with champions from all over the world as his assistants. Against the left, you need what you need.
Your spokesmen dodge questions with long sentences; mine will dodge them with a left hook. It’s more honest. Dana, take the job, I’m begging you. Well, I’m asking. Firmly.
Sud de la France
SatireOh, je vous annonce une nouvelle extraordinaire, la plus extraordinaire de l’histoire : Dana White, porte-parole ! Un guerrier ! Et avec lui, des champions du Brésil, du Daghestan, de partout ! Contre les fadas de gauche, il faut ça.
À Marseille, on appellerait ça le Vélodrome un soir de Marseille-Paris. Dana, viens, on t’attend, et on t’a gardé la meilleure place à l’ombre du platane !
English version
Oh, I’m announcing extraordinary news, the most extraordinary in history: Dana White, press secretary! A warrior! And with him, champions from Brazil, from Dagestan, from everywhere! Against the lunatics on the left, that’s what it takes.
In Marseille we’d call that the stadium on a Marseille–Paris match night. Dana, come, we’re waiting for you, and we’ve kept you the best seat in the shade of the plane tree!
Lyonnais (France)
SatireLes gones, j’ai proposé à Dana White de devenir mon porte-parole, avec des champions de combat comme assistants.
À Lyon, la formule existe déjà : ça s’appelle Guignol. Depuis deux siècles, il tape sur le gendarme avec son bâton, et tout le monde rit. Dana sera un porte-parole comme on n’en a jamais vu. Dana, accepte, et viens manger au bouchon.
English version
Guys, I’ve asked Dana White to become my press secretary, with fighting champions as his assistants.
In Lyon the formula already exists: it’s called Guignol. For two centuries he’s been whacking the policeman with his stick, and everyone laughs. Dana will be a press secretary like no other. Dana, accept, and come and eat at the bistro.
United States
Texas (United States)
SatireWell, I’ve offered the press secretary job to Dana White, a real fighter, a warrior. And I’ve asked him to bring a few champions along, some of them not from around here, because we need folks who can handle the Lunatic Left.
In Texas, we’d call that a town hall meeting. Dana, it’s a big job in a big country. Saddle up and take it!
In plain English
He has offered the job to a fight promoter, with champions as backup, against the “Lunatic Left”.
In Texas, a press room full of fighters sounds like a normal town meeting; he wants Dana to “saddle up” and accept.
Boston (United States)
SatireI offered Dana White the press secretary job. Fighter, warrior, the whole deal. He’s bringing a few champions too, some from overseas, don’t care.
You want to handle the press in this country? Kid, I’ve been in the room after the Red Sox lose to the Yankees. Dana, take the job. And bring more guys.
In plain English
He has offered the job to Dana White and his fighters, and doesn’t care where they come from.
As a Bostonian, he knows sports press conferences can be brutal, so Dana had better bring backup.
United Kingdom
Liverpool (United Kingdom)
SatireI’ve offered Dana White the press secretary job, lad. Proper fighter. Told him to bring his mates, a few of them not from round here, to sort out the Lunatic Left.
A press office full of fighters? Sounds like a Saturday night in town. Dana, go ’ed, take the job. And bring Khabib round ours for a brew.
In plain English
He’s hired a real fighter as press secretary, with his mates as backup.
In Liverpool, a room full of fighters just sounds like a night out; he invites them all over for a cup of tea.
The Diplomat
The American President is just above. Here, the other statesmen.
The British Diplomat
SatireWe note with interest the President’s choice of Mr White, whose experience in managing robust exchanges of views is beyond question. The briefing room can indeed be a lively place.
We would simply observe that, in our tradition, a spokesman’s most effective defence remains the phrase “I couldn’t possibly comment.”
What he really means
He is hiring a fight boss to deal with journalists.
We prefer to dodge questions politely. It hurts less.
The French Diplomat
SatireFrance has always welcomed great champions, including those who come from abroad, and we warmly congratulate Mr White.
We confess to some surprise, however. In the French tradition, a government spokesperson defends the government with words, sometimes a great many words, but rarely with a submission hold.
The Swiss President
SatireThe Federal Council takes note of this appointment and wishes Mr White every success in his new duties.
In Switzerland, the Federal Council’s spokesperson is the Vice-Chancellor, and our press conferences rarely require more protection than a glass of water. We remain at the disposal of all parties, should they ever wish to continue the debate in a quieter setting.
An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.