I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP
United States · The Texas edition
A Press Secretary like none other
Donald J. Trump
OriginalThe Texas version
Texas (United States)
SatireWell, I’ve offered the press secretary job to Dana White, a real fighter, a warrior. And I’ve asked him to bring a few champions along, some of them not from around here, because we need folks who can handle the Lunatic Left.
In Texas, we’d call that a town hall meeting. Dana, it’s a big job in a big country. Saddle up and take it!
In plain English
He has offered the job to a fight promoter, with champions as backup, against the “Lunatic Left”.
In Texas, a press room full of fighters sounds like a normal town meeting; he wants Dana to “saddle up” and accept.
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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.