Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

Switzerland · The Fribourgeois edition

A Press Secretary like none other

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Fribourgeois version

Fribourgeois (Switzerland)Fribourg, La Gruyère

Satire

Salut les gaillards ! J’ai proposé à Dana White d’être mon porte-parole. Un lutteur, un vrai, avec toute une équipe de champions, même des étrangers.

Chez nous, on connaît : la lutte suisse, dans la sciure. Et à la fin, le vainqueur aide le perdant à se relever et lui enlève la sciure du dos. Je ne sais pas si Dana fera ça avec les journalistes. Mais bon, Dana, prends le job, ça joue !

English version

Hey folks! I’ve asked Dana White to be my press secretary. A wrestler, a real one, with a whole team of champions, even foreign ones.

We know all about it here: Swiss wrestling, in sawdust. And at the end, the winner helps the loser up and brushes the sawdust off his back. Not sure Dana will do that with the journalists. Still, Dana, take the job, it’s all good!

Lost in translation
  • In Schwingen, Swiss wrestling, the winner traditionally brushes the sawdust off the loser’s back after the bout.

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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.