Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

United States · The New York edition

Send them directly to me

Donald J. Trump

Original

The threats being made by the Democrat Party against innocent Republican Donors and Party Members are absolutely unprecedented, and totally illegal. Please report them to the Department of Justice, IMMEDIATELY! If you would like, send them directly to me, your President. These SLEAZEBAGS should go to jail for what they are doing. The Senate must act, and stop being pushed around to the point of the Republican Party losing Elections, and worse! Likewise, the DOJ and House of Representatives. Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The New York version

New York (United States)

Satire

Somebody’s threatening donors? Okay. In New York, you get a threatening letter, you call a lawyer, you call the cops, and maybe you call your cousin. You don’t mail it to the President. He’s busy.

Also, “sleazebags”? Pal, around here that’s what we call the guy who takes up two seats on the subway. Let the courts sort it out.

In plain English

New York’s advice: if you are threatened, go to a lawyer and the police, not to the President.

And “sleazebag” barely counts as an insult in New York. Let the courts decide who did what.

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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.