Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

United States · The Deep South edition

Send them directly to me

Donald J. Trump

Original

The threats being made by the Democrat Party against innocent Republican Donors and Party Members are absolutely unprecedented, and totally illegal. Please report them to the Department of Justice, IMMEDIATELY! If you would like, send them directly to me, your President. These SLEAZEBAGS should go to jail for what they are doing. The Senate must act, and stop being pushed around to the point of the Republican Party losing Elections, and worse! Likewise, the DOJ and House of Representatives. Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Deep South version

Deep South (United States)

Satire

Well, if somebody’s sending ugly letters, that’s just bad manners, and we don’t hold with bad manners. Take it to the sheriff, honey.

But calling folks sleazebags and hollering “jail” before anybody’s had their day in court? My mama would’ve said that’s no way to talk. President or not.

In plain English

The South dislikes threats and bad manners, from either side: report threats to the police.

But calling people names and demanding prison before any trial is not how a well-raised person talks, even a president.

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An independent satirical project. Original statements are sourced and attributed. All presidential and regional adaptations are fictional, AI-assisted editorial interpretations.