Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British

Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.

The Diplomat · A President of the Swiss Confederation

The Swiss President

Neutral, measured and conciliatory. Looks for consensus, trusts institutions and leaves the last word to the people.

Hopefully, they will show all the good things

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I will be interviewed tonight on “60 Minutes.” Hopefully, they will show all the good things we’ve done over the past 2 years, not even including the First Term, which was incredible. If we get help from the Republican Senate, we can still do things that are unbelievable! President DJT

The Swiss President

The Swiss PresidentA President of the Swiss Confederation

Satire

The Federal Council has taken note of this television interview.

In Switzerland, the President of the Confederation changes every year, which leaves little time for a two-year retrospective. Our record is set out in the Federal Council’s annual report to Parliament: several hundred pages, rarely broadcast in prime time.

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Version française

Le Conseil fédéral prend acte de cette interview télévisée.

En Suisse, le président de la Confédération change chaque année, ce qui laisse peu de temps pour un bilan sur deux ans. Notre bilan figure dans le rapport de gestion annuel du Conseil fédéral au Parlement : plusieurs centaines de pages, rarement diffusées en prime time.

Send them directly to me

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

The threats being made by the Democrat Party against innocent Republican Donors and Party Members are absolutely unprecedented, and totally illegal. Please report them to the Department of Justice, IMMEDIATELY! If you would like, send them directly to me, your President. These SLEAZEBAGS should go to jail for what they are doing. The Senate must act, and stop being pushed around to the point of the Republican Party losing Elections, and worse! Likewise, the DOJ and House of Representatives. Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Swiss President

The Swiss PresidentA President of the Swiss Confederation

Satire

The Federal Council takes seriously any threat against citizens who take part in political life. In Switzerland, such cases are reported to the police and handled by independent prosecutors, whatever the party of those involved.

We are attached to the separation of powers, and we have found that it works best when each power keeps its own letterbox.

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Version française

Le Conseil fédéral prend au sérieux toute menace visant des citoyens engagés dans la vie politique. En Suisse, de tels cas sont signalés à la police et traités par des procureurs indépendants, quel que soit le parti des personnes concernées.

Nous sommes attachés à la séparation des pouvoirs, et nous avons constaté qu’elle fonctionne au mieux lorsque chaque pouvoir garde sa propre boîte aux lettres.

A Press Secretary like none other

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Swiss President

The Swiss PresidentA President of the Swiss Confederation

Satire

The Federal Council takes note of this appointment and wishes Mr White every success in his new duties.

In Switzerland, the Federal Council’s spokesperson is the Vice-Chancellor, and our press conferences rarely require more protection than a glass of water. We remain at the disposal of all parties, should they ever wish to continue the debate in a quieter setting.

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Version française

Le Conseil fédéral prend acte de cette nomination et souhaite plein succès à M. White dans ses nouvelles fonctions.

En Suisse, le porte-parole du Conseil fédéral est le vice-chancelier, et nos conférences de presse exigent rarement une autre protection qu’un verre d’eau. Nous restons à la disposition de toutes les parties, si elles souhaitaient un jour poursuivre le débat dans un cadre plus calme.

Extortion at the highest level

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

The Democrats are going around threatening a lot of people, including the Attorney General of the United States, and others, with Impeachment and many other forms of punishment, even though they admit they have no reason to do so, and there have been no impeachable acts committed, or even thought of, by the victims of this illegal process. This is extortion at the highest level, and they should be held accountable for this. Also, they’re threatening our Donors, some of the most respected people anywhere in the World, with imprisonment, and many other levels of punishment, just because they happen to be Republicans, or Republican supporters. This is Weaponization and Lawfare at another level. The Senator from Michigan, Elissa Slotkin, is saying that she is going to go after all young people that believe in Republican Values, and that give even the slightest inclination to be a Republican. The imprisonment should be against these EXTORTIONISTS, and Republicans should get smart, fast! Threatening letters have been sent to many people, all innocent, from Democrat Political Leaders. By copy of this statement, I am ordering the Department of Justice to look into this criminal act, immediately! President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Swiss President

The Swiss PresidentA President of the Swiss Confederation

Satire

The Federal Council does not comment on the internal politics of friendly countries.

We would only recall that in Switzerland there is no impeachment of a member of the government: Parliament simply decides, every four years, whether to re-elect them. And the people vote four times a year, which leaves very little time for threatening letters.

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Version française

Le Conseil fédéral ne commente pas la politique intérieure des pays amis.

Nous rappellerons seulement qu’en Suisse, il n’existe pas de destitution d’un membre du gouvernement : le Parlement décide simplement, tous les quatre ans, de le réélire ou non. Et le peuple vote quatre fois par an, ce qui laisse très peu de temps pour les lettres de menace.

Super Intelligence is GOLD

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

As President, I am 100% in favor of Super Intelligence (SI), and will work with the many States in the U.S. that want to become RICH by having them. They are GOLD, and only foolish leadership will say “NO” to the riches they bring! President DJT

The Swiss President

The Swiss PresidentA President of the Swiss Confederation

Satire

The Federal Council is following developments in artificial intelligence with great attention. These technologies offer real opportunities for our economy, our research and our jobs.

As is our tradition, each canton will decide for itself, and the Confederation will support those that wish to move forward. In Switzerland, we do not consider those who prefer caution to be foolish: we consider them part of the conversation. Should the question become important enough, the people will have the last word.

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Version française

Le Conseil fédéral suit avec une grande attention les développements de l’intelligence artificielle. Ces technologies offrent de réelles perspectives pour notre économie, notre recherche et nos emplois.

Comme le veut notre tradition, chaque canton décidera pour lui-même, et la Confédération soutiendra ceux qui souhaitent aller de l’avant. En Suisse, nous ne tenons pas pour insensés ceux qui préfèrent la prudence : nous les considérons comme des partenaires du dialogue. Si la question devient suffisamment importante, le peuple aura le dernier mot.

We would have won in a landslide

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump · Truth Social ·

Original

I wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

The Swiss President

The Swiss PresidentA President of the Swiss Confederation

Satire

The Federal Council takes note of these elections.

In Switzerland, the members of the Federal Council are never on a ballot: they are elected by Parliament. The people, meanwhile, vote on the issues themselves, several times a year. Landslides are rare; we find this restful.