Independent satire 9 November 2026 Swiss · French · American · British
Big Beautiful Flop Making presidential statements presidential again.The Diplomat · A senior British diplomat or Prime Minister
Elegant, polite and measured, with subtle understatement and the occasional dry joke. Never confrontational without reason.
Donald J. Trump
OriginalI will be interviewed tonight on “60 Minutes.” Hopefully, they will show all the good things we’ve done over the past 2 years, not even including the First Term, which was incredible. If we get help from the Republican Senate, we can still do things that are unbelievable! President DJT
The British Diplomat
The British Diplomat
SatireHis Majesty’s Government notes that the President will appear this evening on a respected American current affairs programme, and trusts that the exchange will be as illuminating as these occasions so often are.
We would observe, gently, that one rarely chooses which parts of an interview are broadcast. That, after all, is rather the point of a free press.
He wants the programme to show only the good bits.
That is not how journalism works, and we think that is a good thing.
Donald J. Trump
OriginalThe threats being made by the Democrat Party against innocent Republican Donors and Party Members are absolutely unprecedented, and totally illegal. Please report them to the Department of Justice, IMMEDIATELY! If you would like, send them directly to me, your President. These SLEAZEBAGS should go to jail for what they are doing. The Senate must act, and stop being pushed around to the point of the Republican Party losing Elections, and worse! Likewise, the DOJ and House of Representatives. Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP
The British Diplomat
The British Diplomat
SatireHis Majesty’s Government has every confidence that, where threats against citizens are reported, the appropriate authorities will look into them. It is, if we may say so, a matter best left to the police and the courts rather than to the personal post of a Head of State.
Strong language has its place in politics. We find it is usually in the second draft, shortly before it is removed.
If there are threats, the police should deal with them, not the President’s inbox.
And please stop calling people sleazebags.
Donald J. Trump
OriginalI am pleased to announce that the Great Dana White, a violent Fighter and Warrior, has been offered the job of Press Secretary of the United States. I have requested that he bring with him assistants, even though some are not from our Country, of Islam Makhachev, Khabib Nurmagomedov, Justin Gaethje, Daniel Cormier, Amanda Nunes, and Kayla Harris. We need these people to defend us against the Lunatic Left. Dana will be a Press Secretary like none other. Dana, please take the job! President DONALD J. TRUMP
The British Diplomat
The British Diplomat
SatireWe note with interest the President’s choice of Mr White, whose experience in managing robust exchanges of views is beyond question. The briefing room can indeed be a lively place.
We would simply observe that, in our tradition, a spokesman’s most effective defence remains the phrase “I couldn’t possibly comment.”
He is hiring a fight boss to deal with journalists.
We prefer to dodge questions politely. It hurts less.
Donald J. Trump
OriginalThe Democrats are going around threatening a lot of people, including the Attorney General of the United States, and others, with Impeachment and many other forms of punishment, even though they admit they have no reason to do so, and there have been no impeachable acts committed, or even thought of, by the victims of this illegal process. This is extortion at the highest level, and they should be held accountable for this. Also, they’re threatening our Donors, some of the most respected people anywhere in the World, with imprisonment, and many other levels of punishment, just because they happen to be Republicans, or Republican supporters. This is Weaponization and Lawfare at another level. The Senator from Michigan, Elissa Slotkin, is saying that she is going to go after all young people that believe in Republican Values, and that give even the slightest inclination to be a Republican. The imprisonment should be against these EXTORTIONISTS, and Republicans should get smart, fast! Threatening letters have been sent to many people, all innocent, from Democrat Political Leaders. By copy of this statement, I am ordering the Department of Justice to look into this criminal act, immediately! President DONALD J. TRUMP
The British Diplomat
The British Diplomat
SatireHis Majesty’s Government does not comment on the domestic political affairs of our closest ally, and will therefore confine itself to a general observation.
Impeachment, prosecution and imprisonment are serious matters. In our experience they are best decided by parliaments and courts respectively, and only rarely by press release.
We don’t comment. But we will anyway:
a president should not order prosecutions in a social media post.
Donald J. Trump
OriginalAs President, I am 100% in favor of Super Intelligence (SI), and will work with the many States in the U.S. that want to become RICH by having them. They are GOLD, and only foolish leadership will say “NO” to the riches they bring! President DJT
The British Diplomat
The British Diplomat
SatireHis Majesty’s Government notes with interest the President’s enthusiasm for super intelligence, which we share, if perhaps at a slightly lower volume.
The potential benefits for prosperity are considerable, and we look forward to working with partners who wish to realise them. We would gently observe that those who choose a different course are rarely persuaded by being called foolish. In our experience, a cup of tea and a consultation paper go further.
We agree with him, but he is shouting.
AI could make a lot of money and we would like some of it. Insulting people who disagree never works. We will do this slowly, with paperwork.
Donald J. Trump
OriginalI wasn’t on the Ballot and if I was, we would have won IN A LANDSLIDE! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP
The British Diplomat
The British Diplomat
SatireHis Majesty’s Government notes that the President was not a candidate in these elections, and that he has nonetheless taken a close interest in their outcome.
In our experience, hypothetical elections are the most reliably won. We wish the newly elected members of Congress every success.
He wasn’t standing.
He would like you to know he would have won anyway. Nobody can prove otherwise, which is rather the beauty of it.